I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
