just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
