I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
