Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
