i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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