i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
