i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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