90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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