I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
