Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
