I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I need to sanitize my soul.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
