State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
