Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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