The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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