My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
