tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
