I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
