This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
