I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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