yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
