i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
