Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
