I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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