I wish I only lived at night.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
