really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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