I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
how drunk are you?
Several
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
