Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
