I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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