i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize