I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
