Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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