walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
