with your own penis?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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