My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize