I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
