just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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