you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
