What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
