therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
