I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
