Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
