I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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