Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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