You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
