That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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