I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
