dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
