i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
