So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
