Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
