Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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