Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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